Rediscovering me ...

A usual Saturday morning in December. Outside is cold and gray. Although it's mid-December, we haven't had much snow yet. Life goes from weekday chores to weekend chores and back again. Work and family take big chunk of my time. I hardly have any time on weekdays. I haven't had a chance to keep up with my blog in while. I hope to start writing regularly again. Days seem to pass so fast, after a while it feels as if I didn't live at all. I have vivid memories from my childhood. If I close my eyes, I could see those events as if I am watching a movie. But now I have difficulty recalling even what happened last week. We live in the age of disconnection. We are disconnected with life. It is quite strange. We are getting more and more connected electronically everyday but disconnecting with the life itself. Some time back, I was listening to Canadian radio and the host talked about what he observed while he was walking on a street. He saw that there were men walking and talking, but they were not talking to each other. They all were talking on their cell phones.

Yesterday's Bokken class was challenging. It is always challenging physically - because the master always comes up with a new workout. Yesterday we practiced Bokken techniques most of the time. Generally we do hand techniques and then Bokken techniques. But yesterday was last class of the year, so it was focused on Bokken techniques. After coming home, my right hand was feeling so heavy, as if I had done several sets of bicep curls. But it was good feeling. At the end of the class, we meditate. We sit in seiza - Japanese sitting posture and master calls - 'Mokuso'. We sit with eyes half closed, gaze focused on nose tip, breathing deep. While we sit, master sometimes walks among us with lit incense stick. It creates very soothing and serene experience.

It's night now. Day has gone in usual frenzy and now I have some time to sit by my self. Wife is watching a movie on netflix, kids playing in their rooms and here I am typing my thoughts. After all we had some snow today. Day went by in dropping and picking older son for his ACT class, a trip to K-mart for wife's shopping and then dinner at a Thai restaurant and some chores laundry and house cleaning. I didn't have chance to workout or do bokken practice today. Earlier, I used to be agitated if I didn't workout as planned. But now I have trained myself not to be affected if I am not able to workout as planned. It's one step towards unfettered mind. It may sound weird because most people would want to discipline themselves to workout every day, but I had to discipline myself not to be agitated if I did not workout one day. Good habits are better than bad habits, but one should not become slave of good habits either. A man should act out of pure awareness and not compelled by habits. And that's my journey towards unfettered mind, where mind is not muddied by unnecessary thoughts and pure awareness shines through ...